When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
