I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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