I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
