Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
