lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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