no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
