There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize