No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
