You work out of a Hotel?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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