Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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