I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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