you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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