Four minutes until I can fart!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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