Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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