You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
