no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
