I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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