ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
