why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
