drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
