I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
where are my eyebrows?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
