I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize