I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize