How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
