I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just tell him i said nine months
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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