My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize