my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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