so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
