When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
