i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
