I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
