This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
