like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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