I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize