By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
