Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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