why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
