every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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