I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Two words: nipple clamps
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