Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
