Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
