Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
