I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
