scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will be naked everywhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
