if i can run in heels then i can drive
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
