the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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