I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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