You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its not stalking. its research.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
