I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
