We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize