I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
