Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
