I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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