Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
