she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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