I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i think my cat just said my name.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
