Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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