that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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