I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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