i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize