Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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