It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
