Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
