I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
