i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
