Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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