She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
