I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want her autograph on my taint
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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