i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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